Rankish Teapants

When did we become 75?

Every street has one. That house where you know if you step foot on the lawn, whether purposefully to get to your friend’s house quicker .. or completely by accident when you were using the curb as a balance beam, that from out of nowhere the occupant of that house is going to appear to tell you to “get off my lawn!!”. Usually it is an older, retired person or couple. The parents on the street try and sympathise in the beginning, but after being told countless times how rude or badly brought up their child(ren) is/are, they too begin to lose patience.

Lee and I are that couple.

In fact, it is midnight and Lee has just hopped into the car in search of the loud music that is thumping somewhere in our neighbourhood and preventing us from having a restful sleep. Or any sleep. When we finds out where it is coming from, he will return home and we will decide whether to lodge a complaint directly (if this is coming from a business) or if we should call the police to register a noise complaint.

That’s right, we’re old, we’re tired and we’re crotchety. If you don’t like it, too bad.

I always grew up saying that I was never going to be like my parents. Instead of focusing on how I’d rather be, I’ve ended up becoming that neighbour .. or my Dad. After all, he is the man that demanded that they turn the music down one evening when we were having dinner… in a pub.

As a sickly Lee and a not himself Noah lay sleeping in our bed, I took the opportunity to arm myself with cleaning products and get to scrubbing the washroom. I sat cross legged in front of the toilet and as I scrubbed I thought to myself how great my life is. Not perfect, but great. And it’s really not that far from perfect: if I had my Dad back and airfare was cheaper so I could visit my family more often.. oh and we didn’t live in Milton Keynes, it could well be considered perfect.

Sure, I may cry a lot and still be completely overwhelmed with this motherhood thing. But I have the most amazing husband who loves me despite the fact that I am… well, me.. and I have a baby boy who is generally very healthy and happy and love love loves me to no end. It can get a bit exhausting and it is not easy when it comes to bedtime and he refuses for anyone else to dare settle him. But when he was only a few days and a few weeks old, I wished for the time where he’d be able to show me that he loved me back.. if in fact he did. So I can’t really complain now when he wails because he wants Mommy.

Who would have thought even five years ago that I would be living in England, in the same house as someone else, someone who actually decided they wanted to spend the rest of their life with me, and raising an amazing little boy who somehow grew to be the size of a toddler before making his appearance.

I’m happy scrubbing the toilet when I know I’ve got these two here with me. I’m happy doing the laundry and sweeping the floor. I’m happy to be steaming veg and making purees that will end up on me, the sofa, the floor, the highchair, the Bumbo and every piece of clothing that Noah owns. Sometimes I’ve just got to take time out and look at my reflection in the sparkling toilet to realise it.

I’m a little late in getting to this month’s recap.

To be honest with you, this month has been a bit of a blur. There were a lot of “firsts” and then the teething started and then you found your strength. Not that you haven’t always been strong, but now you know it. You especially know it when you’re in a bed. Your need to do last minute push-ups or to roll yourself over have caused untold frustration, though as your parents we take partial blame as we can’t help but laugh which encourages you. And you always seem to end up flat on your back, arms in the air with a huge smile on your face.

That’s another thing. You’ve become a regular Guy Smiley this month. That is, when you don’t have something in your mouth: a soother, your hand, a towel, your clothes, a toy, a spoon…whatever you can get in there!!! We have started a war of No Hands with you, and currently it is at a stalemate. Some days we are winning and then the next day you’ll pull the rug out from under us and no amount of “No hands, Noah” and physically removing your fist from your mouth will do. Even when you gag yourself resulting in spitting up… you stick them right back in. Both if you can do it.

One thing that you have been enjoying in your mouth even more than your hand is food. That’s right, we’ve started you on The Real Stuff. Okay, so we went earlier than the so called guidelines that change constantly, but we were struggling to make you wait from one feed to the other. That and you were and still are far more interested in watching people eat than doing whatever it is you were doing before you saw/smelled/heard the food. And we feel no guilt because you LOVE the food. So much so that you often attempt to launch yourself off of Daddy’s lap when I get the spoon close to your face. So far you’ve only had Baby Rice (it was okay when it was the only thing going) but moved onto Superfood Porridge (which is so much nicer) which you think is GREAT, but not as great as carrot which to you is similar to what coconut cream pie was to your Uncle Scotty in the Bahamas. Then you tried Sweet Potato which although not quite carrot, you still enjoy and then corn. You’re not too sure about this one though seem to gobble it up, perhaps just because it is food.

We have been struggling to get you to drink anything that isn’t formula though. You’re not a water man at all.

When you’re not busy trying to eat foreign objects or purees, you’ve been giving us a sort of running commentary on your day. At least most days. Some days you prefer to remain the strong silent type who thinks before he speaks. Thinks A LOT before he speaks.

And although sometimes it seems like it would take a nation of millions to shut you up, we love it. We encourage it! Especially when you give a little laugh while you’re talking. Like you are sharing an inside joke with us. Only we don’t get the joke, but we pretend we do… because really, we wish we did.

I’ve also tried to be more patient this month. I’ve tried my hardest to remember that you are a lot younger than your appearance and strength would lead us to believe. And now when you cry in public, I give you cuddles and sing quietly to you rather than tell Daddy that we need to leave RIGHT NOW and run off to the car hoping that he remembered to bring you along behind me. It’s taken me 4 months, but I am relaxing. Mostly. We try things with you and if you like them …GREAT.. if you don’t, at least we know. Before I’d just be worried or stressed. Now, now I just realise that you’re doing the best you can as fast as you can and there’s only so much a little dude can do when they are only coming up to 4 months old. So you don’t have to worry about cooking Christmas dinner this year, we’ll hold off until you’re at least three. Which seems like it will be here faster than we know.

Along those lines, please slow it down. I’ve just come to the realisation that my stresses and worries were making me rush things along and now that I know that I need to be calm and to enjoy every moment, I’d like the chance to.

Plus, until you sleep through the night, I won’t get to sleep through the night. This means that when you start to crawl (which you are trying SO very hard to do, yet only managing to go backwards so far) or walk (I hope there is a little time between them) I will be even more exhausted. So yes, let’s work on the sleep and THEN we can focus on the growing up.

Until then, let’s take each day as it comes .. good or bad.. and try and get through them together. You, me and your Daddy. I’m learning this whole patience thing and hope you can forgive me for being so slow… and in return have a little more patience with me. Especially when it comes to how slow I move when getting food to your mouth or milk in your bottles or how long I take to dry/cream/powder you up after the bath. And I really really really beg for more patience when we are finished swimming and getting back into our dry clothes. Especially when there are so many other Mommies in the changeroom and you decide to scream like you belong to someone else and I’ve just scooped you out of the pool pretending that you’re mine.

That’d be great. Thanks.

Happy Four Months, Grumpy Pumps.
Mommy Loves You!

P.S: We have swimming this Friday. Just a Head’s Up!

A couple of months ago, my sister-in-law, Stacy, blogged about getting a new vacuum cleaner (a Dyson) and it evoked unimaginable excitement from some of my family members.

A couple of weeks ago Stacy blogged about getting a new barbeque (a Weber!) and that’s when the emotions were stirred within me. Let’s be honest here, I am a girl who is far more excited by food than by cleaning. That’s part of the reason I want to win the lottery and live in a hotel… daily maid service and no choice but to eat at restaurants…or 24 hour Room Service!!!!

Anyway, Stacy’s entry got me all excited about BBQ Season! As we are into June, summer should be arriving soon. We’ve had a few warm days, but not “summer” yet. Last weekend was super sunny and we headed off to Homebase (just like Home Depot or Lowes) to see if there were any deals. Right in the centre of the barbeque section was a Weber stand. We looked and touched and oohed and ahhhed and then we ACKed when we saw the prices. Sure, they’re pretty and they’re the Kings of the BBQ World, but the price wasn’t converting well. We could have bought one, but it would have been the size of a George Foreman grill on wheels. And not a Family Sized Foreman.

So we looked around and saw that there were a couple of Fiesta barbeques. Ooh, another name I knew!! I also knew that my Dad and Scott were both Fiesta owners so they couldn’t be that crap.

— I should have explained in the beginning, Lee and I have never owned a gas barbeque so we were virgins to this whole experience —

We found one that was 1/3 off and we were happy. Then we realised that there was no way that it was going to fit in my car with Noah and his stroller (we learnt this lesson when we tried to cart home a 42 inch tv and there wasn’t even a stroller in there), so we put it off until the next day.

Lee returned to Homebase last Monday to be told that they had sold out. I wasn’t buying it, but that’s because I trust no one. How could they not have it in? We needed it! We were waiting to play with it! We had waited a whole day to get the fire started and now we had to revert to our oven. What was that all about?!

Nothing was going to stop Lee on his mission though. He contacted a few stores trying to track them down, found out that the distributor had gone bankrupt so there would be no more deliveries, and then he struck Grilling Gold when a nice older lady at a Homebase store in Luton found the last one in stock and put it behind the counter for Lee. He went and collected it on Friday and brought it home. Unfortunately Noah was not a happy man on Friday, so there was no chance to get the assembly going. Yesterday though, success! Lee got down and dirty and put that bad boy together and when he finally finished at 9.15pm, we were ready to go!

Our first attempt at gas grilling has to be … chicken wings!! We have searched this country for good old chicken wings and have never truly loved any that we’ve had. TGIFridays has come closest, but even sometimes they have off days. So armed with a bottle of Frank’s Red Hot and a brand new barbeque, we got cooking.

We called Canada twice to ask questions about the barbeque (Randy is the Barbeque Master!) and we were not sure how things were going as it started to hail during the cooking and got really dark (the sky not the wings), but once we brought them in and sauced them up we knew that we’d made the right decision in going Gas…. they were the Best Damned Chicken Wings ever to be eaten in the UK. That’s right, not just England, the UK!!

Normally I’d put a photo up here of the wings, but I took the photos on Lee’s camera. However, after we had our second BBQ of the weekend (burgers and ribs) I took a photo of the actual beast:

Check out all of those knobs!

I know a lot of people, especially in England, believe that gas barbeques are not “real” barbeques, but last time I checked, they were not famous for their grilling skills. When you head out to a Ribfest you see a lot of gas grills hard at work and to be honest I’d rather be producing finger licking meat than charred on the outside not so well done/way too overdone on the inside “meat”.

And hey, if you come over for a BBQ and don’t like the way things are done here, we can always run out to Tesco and get you some of these:

Uh huh.. Spam Fritters…pre-fried. All class and only £1.95 for the pack. Someone actually buys these!

Anyway, thank you Stacy and Jamie for lighting the fire under our asses!!! We are in love!

Tonight, we watched an entire movie without pressing pause once. In fact, we ate dinner before the movie and the only interruption was when Lee went to get me another corn holder thing because one of mine broke off in my corn.

Noah slept through the whole thing.

Each night he has been letting us know that he wants to go to sleep earlier and earlier. This has yet to benefit us on the other end as he also likes to rise early, but it’s something. And the Noah alarm… I can silence it a lot faster now.

I’m almost inclined to believe that a full night’s sleep may be in our future. I know I am getting ahead of myself here, but I can dream right?

For now though, I’m thrilled with what we’ve got.

Who knew that in the span of a few days I would take Noah out to socialise with other babies and mothers, go to the supermarket all by myself for a whole 45 minutes and get to sit with Lee and eat dinner and watch an entire movie undisturbed. This motherhood thing is looking up.

I almost feel guilty for feeling this good.

… I actually had a “successful” day as a mommy and it is not even over.

Before today I was impressed if I managed to get a shower in while Lee was at work. Some mornings it is easier than others. And if Noah wants you around… he lets you and the rest of the neighbourhood know it. And although he still loves his Mommy, he is starting to play on his own a lot more… like the good old days!! The good old days being 8 weeks ago!!

Last night he slept in his crib until 6.20am. Okay, so there were a few hiccups when he realised that he wanted his soother and didn’t open his eyes, but all in all it was a good night.

Success number two was when he woke up from his nap happy, got ready for his weigh-in, didn’t cry when he was on the scale and didn’t cry for food. We got to the mall where we sat down and he ate, then we walked around a little before heading to Gymboree where there was a class for 0-6 month olds. He was a superstar. He went along with everything and never whined once!!

And when it was done and I placed him in the stroller, he promptly fell asleep. We came home and he went into the crib where he has been sleeping ever since.

What a superstar!!

And Noah is too!

It was so strange talking to other adults face-to-face. Strange but good. I have yet to understand why the membership fees are so high, but will work out if it is worth joining so we can make it a weekly thing!

Next stop Gambado!! Where Lee and I can play too.

Now if I get some housework done I’ll also be a successful housewife.

Baby steps.

One whole quarter of a year has passed since the very early morning that you decided you were ready for the world. I’d never thought about it like that until this morning when your Daddy mentioned that you weren’t just 3 months old today, that you were 1/4 of a year. That means there are only 3 more of these chunks of time left until we are celebrating your first birthday. I’m having trouble getting my head around this information!

This month has been easier and harder than the past two, but overall it has been way better because you’re getting so much funnier. In the first two months, most laughs were had when you’d “wind” yourself… or simply, burp and fart. That trick still hasn’t gotten old, but now when you sneeze you make a cute noise when you’re done, you talk to everything (including tape measures, the television and stuffed animals), you hold on tight to things, you laugh, you smile even more, you get excited every time you are in the bath and you love love love love love to stand up.

You also took your first trip on an airplane this month. I cannot begin to tell you how scared I was about this trip. The thought of close to 8 hours in an enclosed space where we cannot pace freely trying to calm you or escape the evil stares and wicked whispers of child hating passengers was enough to make me want to celebrate that we have cancellation insurance. But, we braved it and you were AWESOME. On the way there you slept most of the way in your special little bassinet and we were so proud of our world traveller!! I think the other passengers knew we were proud too by how many times the camera flash went off.

The only down side was that you were slightly overstimulated and the reunion with Kadie was not what we had imagined. In fact she had to work so hard to win you back over while you were quite intent on being a Momma’s Boy. You’ve remained that way throughout this month and although it can be exhausting, I have to admit that it makes me a little happy as right now other than drooly smiles, it is the only way you have of letting me know that you know who I am and that you feel safe with me.

In the end, she won you back over. She discovered that the way to your heart is not through your stomach, but through a bath in her kitchen sink. And every morning the two of you would splish splash and you’d check yourself out in the mirror.

Once you were comfortable letting her back in to your tightly guarded heart, you never looked back. You loved her singing (and you are the only one who does) and had smiles every morning when you woke up. Even before you’d had a bottle!!!

You also re-met, Zed. You didn’t have the same extreme reaction as you did with Kadie, but perhaps because you were only minutes old when he had to go and catch his plane. Plus, he showed you two things that you instantly fell in love with… hockey (on the BIG tv) and boxing. In fact, you would get so hyper from the boxing that Kadie tried to ban it!! But you two dudes were not having one bit of it. You knew to put up your dukes when you saw him and who can resist a little dude in boxing gloves?

While you were in Canada you met a whole bunch of people you’d only heard about before. I have photos of you with each of them, but if I posted them all in this one entry, people would still be reading it when you turned four months old! On Kadie’s side you met Gee Gee Margaret, Great-Aunties Sue, Cath and Suzanne, Great-Uncles Al, Aaron and Dave, cousins Kiera, Adam, Josh, Sarah, Ethan and Luke. On my Daddy’s side you met Great-Uncle Chickie, Great-Aunts Verne and Lauren, cousin Becky and your greatgrandmom. Though you didn’t like that experience because it was in a hospital and everyone was nervous about you catching something and you couldn’t understand why we wouldn’t give you your soother back when you’d spit it out.

You also met your cousin Calleigh. You were not that nice to her I have to admit. Especially when she sucked your thumb!! You cried. It was a sad moment for me as everyone discovered that you were not the rough and tough dude you’d been leading them all to believe. Reduced to tears by a girl 20 days younger than you. It’s not like she stole your Bumbo… which would have elicited a similar response.

Calleigh’s parents were also there, so you got to meet your Uncle Scott and Auntie Heather, and your Crazy Uncle Jamie and Auntie Stacy. So many people… too many restaurants. That may be the best way to sum up your time in Canada actually. But you loved them all!! Even if you couldn’t be bothered with looking at the camera in the family shot.

So let’s sum up the month: got two needles, cried, you flew to Canada, got grumpy, slept a lot, got happy, loved bathtime, loved boxing, tv, hockey, Dr.Phil and your Bumbo, met a lot of people, ate out way too many times for your liking, discovered that you hate Scarborough Towne Centre’s food court, discovered your lungs and used them… a lot, started sleeping through the night, came back to England, stopped sleeping through the night, got more needles, cried some more, became extra clingy… fed yourself…

Through it all we’ve watched your personality bursting through like a packet of Jiffy Pop and have loved watching you get stronger, smarter, taller, chubbier and have wondered if you’ll ever sleep through the night, if these screaming/crying fits are a phase, if we’ll both be totally grey before we’re 35, if our house will ever be clean at the same time as all of the laundry is done and the food in our fridge is in date. To be honest though, none of that really matters. A quarter of a year has passed so quickly and I want to make sure that I enjoy every moment with you. Even if some of those moments end with both of us in tears… at least we’re crying together.

Happy Three Months, Grumpy Pumps.
Mommy Loves You!

P.S: We tried to get you an exersaucer for your three monthday, but we can’t find one in a store to try out, so please enjoy the new BIG tv instead.

One year ago today I posted a card to my Daddy. A card that had no specified destination, but one which I hoped he’d get anyway.

In the card I explained how I’d been feeling since he had left (and I know that you say to leave it means he had a choice and he didn’t, Momma.. but it is what it feels like to me) and I ended it by saying that if there was any possible way that the card found its way to him, that I understood that I couldn’t have him back, but that I’d really really appreciate if he could pull some strings and see about a baby.

One week later Noah was conceived. Now you might think it was a massive coincidence, but not too long after that, Noah’s cousin Calleigh was conceived. Now Lee and I had been trying and had discovered that we were good at getting pregnant, just not so great at staying that way, so to me it seemed like much more than a coincidence. And although I am not a great “believer”, I can’t help but think he had a hand in it all.

The reason I sent the card at all, was because the 22nd of May is his birthday. Today he would have been 62 years old and it would have been the happiest birthday he ever had because he’d have two grandchildren to share it with.

The hardest part of raising Noah, isn’t the sleepless nights, the tantrums or the inability to communicate, but not being able to share this all with my Daddy. He would have LOVED Noah, and I know Noah would have loved him right back. Hopefully I can do my Daddy’s memory justice and let Noah know just how loved he would have been and how very very much me meant to me.

Everyone that said that this gets easier…lied. Not a day goes by that I do not think about him and wish that I could wake up from this horrible dream. But at least when Noah’s asleep and gives me the finger or cocks his leg in the air and farts without waking himself, I know that my Daddy is living on in my baby boy.

I love him and miss him more than I can explain.

Daddy, I am so grateful for this amazing baby boy that you arranged for me, now do you think you could manage to get him to sleep through the night?

Many people told me that when you hit six weeks old things would become so much easier, so I thought that month 2 was going to be a breeze!! Guess what, I was wrong again. You’re going to find this happens a lot when you grow up, but don’t expect me to admit it then.

You started to become such a happy baby who loved to dance, smile, babble and sleep at the end of month one, and then it all started to unravel. You started to cry. Now apparently all babies cry, but mine didn’t usually so I wasn’t really sure how to deal with it. It took a little while and even when we took you out in public to a birthday party, I didn’t throw you in a cupboard as soon as you started to squawk, although to be honest it was what I had planned on doing before we arrived there. Even when you spat up on their brand new kitchen floor, I kept on nibbling on the breadstick I was eating and let Daddy tend to the mess.

However, my new Easy and Relaxed method of parenting didn’t last too long because Mommy and Daddy decided to have you circumcised. My naiveté shone through when this happened because I thought the only pain you’d feel was the prick of the needle for the local anaesthetic. Guess what, I was wrong again. Don’t get me wrong, you were a CHAMP! You didn’t even cry. I did though. I sat next door and cried by myself while you apparently held Daddy’s hand and looked at the wall, and you were quite happy afterwards.

But that only lasted as long as the anaesthetic. It was a rough week and a bit after that. I think more for me than for you, and due to my inability to cope, it became super tough for Daddy because he was taking care of two babies. To be honest, the only lasting negative effect is that you’re still enjoying crying when I change your diaper, even before I’ve done anything… and then you smile.

Just as you had come back around to being regular Noah, it was time for your first set of immunizations. Once again, you handled it better than I did and although this time you did cry a little, it was still less than I did! And once again you were smiley afterwards, although not so much when I tried to get you to take a photo with me. Hey, at least you looked. I’ll take whatever mini victories I can!

Now it might appear that month 2 was all about hurting you, but it wasn’t. A lot of it was about growth: your growth as a tiny human, and our growth as parents. You are winning that race by a mile, followed by Daddy and well, some days I think I should just retire because you are both lapping me and I am definitely struggling to stay in the race.

At your last weigh in (when you were 8 weeks old), you were 13lb 14.5 oz!! You feel more like 53lb, especially when you wake up at 2.30am and want food and I am too tired for my muscles to work properly. You’ve also gotten quite tall. In fact you are the length of your Moses Basket. You can still fit in, if you bend your legs… and apparently sleeping in just a diaper also makes you that bit more comfy.

We’ve got you practicing for Toronto though and have put you in the travel cot which you seem to enjoy because it is spacious. Again it would appear to help if you only wore a diaper.

Speaking of Toronto, you are taking your first airplane ride tomorrow and I am so worried. I wish that Easy and Relaxed Mommy would return, but she seems to have gone on a vacation and hasn’t told me when she is returning. Luckily, Daddy is going to be with us for this part of the trip. I’m not sure what I would have done without him this last month, Noah. He has been amazing! Sure, he’s been frustrated with me at times, but not half as much as I’ve been with myself. I really didn’t know that I would find this so overwhelming. When we come home I might speak to a doctor about it. Might. There is only one thing I ask of you right now, when you’re tired and want to be cuddled to sleep and cry until you’re comfy, let Daddy do it too. He loves you very much and would do anything for you, yet I’m the Original Ratbag and you just keep coming back for more. Though you did give him lots of sleepy cuddles this weekend so you’re let off of the hook for now. Only for now.

Anyway, I better start packing for the trip because I need to nap with you this afternoon. If I am going to survive this journey, I need some rest because I’m not allowed medication while you are still hitting up the Milk Bar for top ups. Plus, you are beautifully fast asleep at the moment and these days that doesn’t last very long!

Thank you for putting up with me over the past two months. I really am trying and you are very worth it, I’m just taking a bit longer than I thought. Don’t hate me because I suck. I’ll get there eventually.

Happy Two Months, Grumpy Pumps.
Mommy Loves You!

Until recently, Noah used to spend over an hour looking out of the window at nothing. In this time I could eat breakfast, shower, wash bottles and get the TV tuned onto the BBC for a morning of property developing/purchasing and auctions. He’s now decided that he does not want to enjoy the wonders of the window/headboard/duvet alone. How heartwarming to know that my 5 1/2 week old baby loves me so much that he wants me around him so much.

At least I thought that at first. Then I realised that sneaking my way into the shower was near impossible. Even if he fell asleep, he’d wake up mid lather … not even wait for the rinse, repeat bit! And when he realises that he is alone, the lungs open and the tears flow. Not heartwarming, heartbreaking.

So my aunt suggested that I put him in his swing in the bathroom while I shower. It sounded like a good idea and with the Health Visitor coming for Noah’s 6 week check it was imperative that I could give the impression that I was a proper functioning adult. Not easy on the best of days, but since she was the one that tried to getmy GP to refer me to the mental health team for postpartum, I can’t take any chances!

This morning started out wonderfully! Noah was smiling like he never smiled before, and then decided he wanted a nap. My old baby was back! So I ran downstairs, had some cereal, got the swing and came back up. I got everything ready for the shower so that I’d be quick. I plopped Noah in the swing, turned it on and jumped into the shower. As recommended, I kept popping my head out to let him know I was there. He was so quiet and just watching … the shower curtain. I couldn’t help but think that Cathy was a genius!

And then the shower was over. I got my hair towel and put it on, dried off and was about to step out of the tub when I saw the look of horror on Noah’s face: He’d spotted … the stretch marks. Usually before he cries he lets out a little squawk, but his face went beet red and he wailed and wailed like he’d never wailed before. His bottom lip was quivering like he was wet and naked in a blizzard.

And my heart broke. Totally rejected by a 39 day old.

Mom, Sue and Cath… today I discovered the polar opposite of a Definite Reach Out.